


Just, Please Don't Say You Love Me (Because I Might Not Say It Back)

by catrasadoras



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Loss of Identity, Mutual Pining, NSFW, Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:49:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22395835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catrasadoras/pseuds/catrasadoras
Summary: It's easier to be intimate with Catra in their shared space like this, in the dark where everything is softer and not as bright, she doesn't have to worry about prying eyes or what this all means, it's just her and Catra, the way things used to always be.It's always easier to love in the dark than it is in the light.Or, the Catra and Adora hook up a bunch of times post war fic and struggle to find where they fit both with each other and this new world. Sad gay yearning.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Bow (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Double Trouble (She-Ra), Catra & Entrapta & Scorpia (She-Ra), Catra & Entrapta (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra), catradora - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 232





	1. Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> And now I'm starting a new fic and I'm not even sorry. I've already started chapter 2 before I even finished this chapter. I have no idea how long this is gonna be but I do know I have a lot of thoughts if y'all are willing to stick around :)! Please enjoy!
> 
> ** PLEASE NOTE THIS WORK CONTAINS NSFW CONTENT PLEASE HEED ARCHIVE WARNINGS **
> 
> This fic is the Catra and Adora hook up post war and don't talk about it so of course there will be NSFW content. I will mark out the NSFW content with stars for those who don't want to read it but it's a good chunk of this chapter and it explores how Adora feels, if you wish for a summary just drop a comment. Future chapters will have trigger warnings because I really want to explore Catra's and Adora's characters and they have so much trauma but yeah! That's all I have to say for now. 
> 
> Also potential tw for implied child abuse because Shadow Weaver has no rights, it's not graphic but it's certainly implied, occurs more towards the end of the chapter.

There's a knock at the door that disturbs Adora from her position on her bed, it's not like it was working anyway, she pushes herself up and heads towards the two doors. Her bedroom was a little disorganised, she had stacks of books around, odd socks and discarded clothes scattered, she hoped whoever it was didn’t want to come inside. She opens her door a fraction to peek who was standing outside her door. When she sees her she frowns. "What are  _ you _ doing here?" Adora asks, opening her door so she could pop her head out to to look at her. Catra. She's dressed in her advisor clothing, the ones Glimmer had made for her now that she was officially a member of the Rebellion. Something about it didn’t sit right with Adora, seeing Catra in rebellion clothing was... strange, unfamiliar, in fact, everything about Catra was unfamiliar now. She wonders if anything will ever be like what they had back in the Fright Zone. 

"Well hello to you too Princess." Catra greets sarcastically. "May I come in?" She asks but she doesn’t wait for Adora to respond because if she had she wouldn’t be entering Adora's room right now. Adora grumbles at the unwelcome intrusion and kicks some of her clothing out of the way so Catra wouldn’t spot it. Catra's nose wrinkles and Adora suddenly feels self conscious. 

"I wasn’t expecting any guests." Adora says, she’s a little embarrassed if she’s honest but she hadn’t had neither the time nor energy to clean her room recently and some days not even herself. 

"I'll say," Catra remarks. "god this place is depressing." She walks to Adora's balcony and starts opening curtains. Adora winces at the sudden brightness but Catra sighs, bathing in the sunlight and, yes, they had sunlight now, not just moonlight. She opens the balcony door, Adora assumes it’s to let a breeze flow through, before she turns back to Adora. She stands a little taller and folds her arms behind her back, Adora thinks she looks like what a proper Royal Advisor would look like. "Queen Glimmer of Bright Moon requests your presence at the war meeting this afternoon." Catra announces and Adora frowns. 

"I can't, I have to stay here and figure-" 

"I'm sorry, did I say request? It’s not a request." Catra deadpans and Adora opens and closes her mouth like a fish for a second. Catra looks completely unbothered, her tail swishes from side to side in quiet contentment but Adora isn't just going to be bossed around - especially not by Catra. 

"Oh, so she's Queen Glimmer now? What happened to Sparkles or Glitter?" Adora asks, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Fine, Queen Sparkles of Glitterland requires your  _ non- _ negotiable attendance."  _ Ugh! She's infuriating. _ Adora scowls at her.  _ Two can play at that game. _

"Will you be there?" Adora asks. 

"You know I will." Catra narrows her eyes and Adora smirks to herself. 

"Then I'm not going." Adora refuses. 

"Adora." Catra says, the amusement which had been lighting her eyes before is gone, now she just seems ticked off. "I'm the Royal Advisor and Commander of War, you know I have to be there." 

"You're not a Princess though." Adora responds and Catra's lip curls. Now that's familiar. There's something sad about that. That she can only see familiarity in Catra's anger, in her sneer, the way her lip curls at one corner in silent rage, Adora wonders if that's all that they have left. 

"Neither are you." Catra replies and  _ ouch _ .  _ Low blow.  _ Adora swallows the sudden thickness she feels in her throat and blinks rapidly to dispel her tears. Catra seems to understand she's upset her because she steps towards her. "I'm sorry." Catra apologises. 

"No need to apologise when it's the truth." Adora shrugs. They really do bring out the worst in each other, that's something else that's changed, before they were a team, they were always better together than apart, but now? All Adora can see when she looks at Catra is her smirk before she pulled that lever, her corrupted form telling Adora it was all her fault, her laugh when she kidnapped her friends and everything else. But that's not true either because Adora sees more than that, she sees the Catra from before, the one who used to give her her ration bars when Adora was sick and sleep by her side every night to make sure she was safe, and she sees the Catra they have now. 

When she'd come back from Prime’s ship with Glimmer she'd been a shell, broken, quiet, so  _ not _ Catra but after Glimmer told them that Catra saved her life and made her Royal Advisor some of the old Catra came back, the Catra who had a purpose, and slowly she began to mend her relationships of the past, the only person who hadn’t been so responsive to her was Adora, she’d been avoiding her, actually, well, she’d been avoiding everyone really but Catra especially. 

Adora was going through her own identity crisis, with her sword gone, and maybe she was bitter that Catra seemed to have found herself and was doing way better than she had been before but Adora was just...  _ stuck _ . She was stuck in a rut with no way out. She can't exactly refuse Glimmer, Catra's right, she’s the Queen, she must be fed up of Adora avoiding them all. "I'll be there." Adora says and Catra turns her head to the side. 

"Why don't we go together?" She asks, gesturing to the door. Oh. Adora hadn't realised it was now. 

"Uh," Adora looks around. "one second." Adora slips into her bathroom and examines herself. She looks okay, she’d had the sense to shower this morning but the bags under her eyes give away the fact she hasn’t really been sleeping, she smooths her clothes out and tightens her ponytail, she checks her teeth before she emerges again. Catra is standing by the door, leaning against it, her tail swishing lazily behind her. "Ready." Adora announces. Catra stands up and opens the door. 

They walk side by side down the halls, it’s strange, once upon a time ago this was all Adora ever wanted, now it feels like some kind of dream. Adora notices people standing to attention and saluting and they're not doing it to her, oh no, she’s just regular Adora now, they're doing it to Catra. Adora tries to not feel bitter about that but it's hard. The war room isn't far, though Adora doesn’t know why they call it the war room still, or war meetings, there’s no war anymore, sure, there’s a few Horde loyalists kicking around but barely enough to be considered a threat. 

Adora walks into the room and the first person she notices is Bow who lights up when he sees her - Gods, she missed Bow. He rushes over and hugs Adora tight. "Glimmer said sending Catra would get you to come!" Bow says happily and Adora can’t even be mad at that, she’s missed her friend. Catra chuckles and makes an excuse to leave. "I've missed you so much!" Bow says, wrapping her in another hug, almost crushing Adora's ribs if she’s honest, but she finds herself laughing which she hasn’t done for so long. 

"I've missed you too." And she has but she feels ashamed about the She-Ra situation, it's hard for her to face her friends, which is weird, when she was Adora before she had no problems but she’d always known She-Ra was there, now she feels... kind of like she’s missing a limb if she’s honest. She knows her friends would never think less of her for not being She-Ra anymore but it's hard for herself to believe. Bow sets her down on her feet again before she sees his brow furrow in concern, he probably noticed her dark bags under her eyes. Luckily for Adora, the meeting is called and so she doesn’t have to fend off Bow's mother henning. 

Adora takes her seat at the table and sees Catra approach Glimmer. She looks so different, she was in Bright Moon colours except a darker palette, because Catra liked darker colours better, she wore a dark purple, stark against the white of the rest of her uniform, with a cloak that was attached by a golden broach over her shoulder, she looked so official, so...  _ royal _ . The uniform was just as tight fitting as all of Catra's other clothing, something she must have insisted upon, and it really highlighted her muscles - not that Adora was admiring those or anything... 

Glimmer smiles at Catra and Catra smiles back and Adora feels an uncomfortable feeling in her gut. She knows Glimmer and Catra went through a lot together on Prime's ship but thinking of them as being friends? It’s weird to her,  _ very _ weird, two very different parts of Adora's world which she never saw fitting together fit together rather perfectly actually. Adora wonders, like a jealous ex-girlfriend, if the two are more than just friends but she pushes that thought aside, she has to focus on the task at hand, not Glimmer and Catra. 

Catra takes her seat and Adora fixes her gaze on her. Catra's pretty much the same, she’s still insanely pretty, her jawline is sharp, her hair immaculate, though she has wisps of the lighter hair growing back where she'd previously cut it, she's still skinny but she has that lean powerful muscle she’s always had. Gorgeous. Drop dead beautiful. It's also infuriating because Adora finds her so damn distracting. 

"How is the rebuilding effort coming along?" Glimmer asks. 

"Good, Thaymor has been completely restored. I believe Princess Scorpia has a suggestion to make." Netossa answers. Glimmer turns to Scorpia who looks suddenly like she's blushing. Adora likes Scorpia, once upon a time she had been jealous of her but she likes her, she's good to her very core. 

"Oh gosh, uh," Scorpia stumbles. "the Fright Zone, it used to belong to my family’s kingdom, I'd really like to try to... I don’t know, take it back? Fix it? Plus there’s a lot of material we could use from the Fright Zone for rebuilding." Scorpia says. Catra looks at Glimmer and Glimmer looks at Catra, they seem to have a silent conversation and Adora tries, she really does try, not to be jealous at that but she can't. She’s jealous, she admits it. 

"That sounds great Scorp but I want to send scouts first, okay? Make sure it's safe." Catra responds. 

"Of course Wildcat!" Scorpia says with a big smile on her face. Yeah, Scorpia definitely still carries a torch for Catra. Catra smiles back before she looks at Glimmer. 

"How are we on the resistance front?" She asks. 

"Good, there’s only a few stragglers still loyal to the Horde, idiots, but, hey, lucky for you, you have me." Catra says with a grin. 

"How fortunate indeed." Glimmer says sarcastically but she’s obviously teasing. Adora clenches her fists under the table, gathering the material of her pants. She looks away from the pair feeling red hot anger simmer in her veins. Gods, why is she so angry? Adora tunes out the rest of the meeting, at least until she hears her name being called. 

"Huh?" She asks, unceremoniously, she must look like an idiot. 

"I said," Glimmer says. "how's it going with She-Ra? Any sign of getting her back?" 

"Uh," Adora looks away before she shakes her head. "not yet, but I have to keep trying." 

"Okay but," Glimmer sighs. "don't try too hard, we need you just as much as we need She-Ra." Adora doubts that but she appreciates it anyway. The meeting is dismissed and Adora let's out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She’s about to turn on her heel and make a quick get away when someone catches her elbow. She turns to see Glimmer looking at her with concern. "Adora, I'm worried about you." Glimmer says. Adora glances behind her to see Catra looking at them, her ears twitch before she turns and heads towards Scorpia. 

"I'm fine Glimmer... did Catra say something?" Adora asks, she feels that anger again right in her chest. Glimmer has the decency to look guilty for a half second. "You sent her because you wanted her to spy on me not because you wanted me at this dumb meeting." Adora seethes, she’s whisper shouting so they can argue quietly but, honestly, it's not really working. 

"I was worried about you!" Glimmer whisper shouts back. "No one has seen you for weeks, you’re obsessed with getting her back." 

"You wouldn’t understand," Adora says. 

"Actually, I kind of do," Glimmer retorts. "up on Prime's ship, I had no power Adora, I told you how Catra saved my life." 

"It’s not the same," Adora protests. "that was temporary, I broke my sword to stop..." Adora trails off but her unspoken words hang between them. 'To stop what you started.' Glimmer straightens up, her back going tense, Adora's almost sorry but not really, it kind of was Glimmer's fault. "Look, I just need some time, She-Ra can’t be gone, she  _ can’t _ be." Adora's more reassuring herself than anyone else. 

"Fine, if that's what you really want, but I meant it Adora, we need  _ you _ ." Adora nods stiffly and gives an awkward bow before she turns and leaves. She’s about halfway back to her room when she realises she has a tail. 

"Why are you following me?" Adora asks. 

"Who said I was following you?" Catra questions. 

"Can’t you leave me alone?" Adora replies, stopping in her tracks. 

"No can do I'm afraid Princess, Royal Advisor business, I need to keep an eye on you." Catra says, walking past Adora and towards Adora's room. Adora frowns before she jogs to catch up with her. 

"Did Glimmer tell you to do that?" Adora asks. 

"Who? Sparkles? No, why?" Catra peers at Adora and Adora just shrugs. She hates feeling like she’s being pitied, she doesn't need Glimmer to throw her a pity party, but if Catra just wants to... hangout? Adora's not totally opposed to that. She hates to admit it but she's missed Catra, a lot, but things are still kind of weird between them and Adora doesn't know how to feel about her, it’s all very messy to her. "Come on slowpoke!" Catra calls and  _ when did she get so far ahead? _ Adora jogs again and they retire back to her quarters. 

**_//_ **

Adora's been meditating for hours, or, at least, trying to, but it's kind of hard when you have a Magicat purring while sunbathing in a patch of light. Adora stares at Catra, the sun’s beginning to set and she still hasn’t moved, she’s been lying there for as long as Adora's been trying her different techniques of summoning She-Ra. She allows herself a smile at the sight, Catra is completely relaxed, still, it's kind of a funny sight given her royal dress contrasted with her complete relaxation. Adora closes her eyes again but instead of thinking calming thoughts all she's thinking about is Catra. They've barely spoken, even today, and things are kind of tense between them, Adora doesn’t know how to talk to Catra anymore, not that she even tries. 

Adora jumps when she feels the bed shift in front of her. She opens her eyes to see Catra sitting in front of her, her hair is ruffled from her sleep, and she still looks half asleep, but Gods is she distracting. Adora wants to reach out and trace her jaw with her finger, she doesn’t of course, but she's tempted. "Alright, spill," Catra says and Adora's walls go flying right back up. "why are you trying to get She-Ra back so hard?" 

"Not all of us are Royal Advisors." Adora retorts harshly. Catra's eyes narrow but she doesn’t comment on that. Not at first anyway. She looks to her right, staring at the ground, before she looks back at Adora. 

"No, it's not that, Sparkles would give you something to do." Adora clenches her jaw. When did she get so angry? It's like it's always hanging over her. She stands up off the bed and paces her bedroom floor. Catra watches her, her head going side to side with Adora's sharp turns, Adora notices her tail flicking in time with her movements, if she was more aware she’d even find that cute. 

"I don’t just want some... handout!" Adora exclaims and Catra rolls her eyes. "I want.. I don’t know Catra, I can’t explain it okay? I  _ need _ She-Ra." 

"You don't need her, Adora, you were top of our class without your stupid sword, you don’t need She-Ra, just be yourself." 

"You don't get it!" Adora explodes. Nobody gets it. How does she explain that she feels like she lost some part of herself, it's more than the power that she feels as She-Ra, it's more than that, sure, that's some of it, but it's about her feeling whole again. 

Catra stands from the bed and comes to face Adora fully. Adora clenches and unclenches her fists in exasperation. "I feel useless!" Adora admits through warm stinging tears. Catra holds her gaze steady, she's on guard, Adora almost laughs at that thought. "I'm not She-Ra anymore! I can't do anything! I'm... useless." Adora stops her aggressive stance and folds in on herself. "And you loitering around isn't helping either." Adora says, turning her back on Catra. 

"I'm not loitering," Catra scoffs and Adora hears her feet follow her. "and that is the biggest bullshit I have heard in my life." 

"Excuse me?!" Adora whirls only to come face to face with Catra. She's doing this on purpose. She must be. She's trying to get a rise out of her. 

"The other Princesses might be willing to sit and listen to your little pity party but it’s bullshit Adora." Catra says sternly. "You were She-Ra before you got that sword, I know it, you know it, it's why it was so unfair for me to let it... to let it come between us." Adora hadn't been expecting that but she feels too wound up, too... she needs some kind of release, maybe punching something, or maybe… They hold each others intense gazes, Adora feels something building, getting bigger and bigger until she can't help herself anymore. 

They move almost simultaneously, Adora crashes into Catra at the same time Catra crashes into her. Their kiss is rough and all teeth but it's also hot and intense. Adora feels like she might burn up from the heat of the kiss alone. She already knows where this is going, she has flashes of memories of the grabbing of wrists in the Horde and giggling as they found an abandoned closet no one used, of bodies pressed against cold metal walls and... but that was different. Back then they'd had something more, they'd had love, this was just pure want, this wasn't intimacy, this wasn't love, just pure hot  _ lust _ . 

Adora feels Catra tug at her belt around her waist and let's her unbuckle it while she cups Catra's face with her hands. She realises, with a start, Catra's mask was no longer framing her face. Of course she'd noticed before but now it was hitting her square in the chest. She hadn't realised she’d stopped until she hears Catra speak. "Adora?" Catra asks. Adora looks down to meet the brunette's eyes, her breath catches, this was Catra, she loves Catra. This is a very bad idea and yet... Adora stokes her jaw and feels Catra nuzzle into her palm, she presses soft lips to her forehead. It's easier to be intimate with Catra in their shared space like this, in the dark where everything is softer and not as bright, she doesn't have to worry about prying eyes or what this all means, it's just her and Catra, the way things used to always be. 

It's always easier to love in the dark than it is in the light. 

******NSFW******

Adora let's the moment pass before she pushes Catra backwards against the wall. Catra gasps but she doesn’t protest, in fact, she wraps her leg around Adora to bring her closer. Adora closes the space between them again, crashing her lips against Catra's who eagerly responds. They're back to their roughness, it’s like they’re fighting again but instead of swords and fists its hands and lips, the results are probably going to be the same: bruises and scratches. 

Adora shifts and freezes when she hears Catra let out a moan, she realises her leg is right between Catra's legs, she must have grazed just the right spot. Something about that moan turns Adora into an animal, she presses against Catra harder and feels the woman buck her hips in response and Adora bites at Catra's throat. "Adora..." Catra's hands tighten in Adora's jacket and Adora pulls back to swallow Catra's moans with her lips. 

That's when she moves back, removing the friction between Catra's thighs. The brunette whimpers into Adora's mouth and Adora can't help but feel that was totally hot. Adora pulls her lips back and trails her hand along Catra's jaw, she's panting heavily but she seems content to keep this going and Adora is eager to keep it going too. "I'm going to try something new," Adora says carefully. "if you don't want to do it, just let me know, okay?" Catra nods her assent but she seems groggy at best, maybe Adora shouldn't have let her grind on her leg before this. 

Adora moves her hand from Catra’s jawline to her chin before stopping on her lips. She connects gazes with Catra for a moment, silently asking permission, Catra doesn't seem to understand why she paused until her eyes widen. She nods her head again, giving Adora her permission, and with it Adora pushes her fingers into Catra's mouth. She shudders at the sensation, she admits, it's probably a little weird, she’s basically fucking Catra's mouth with her fingers, but she can't describe the feeling she gets from it, she can already feel her stomach tightening from the sensation. Catra's tongue is a little rougher than other people's tongues, but Adora knows exactly how well that tongue can work, she feels her canines and shudders, Catra's teeth biting into her flesh always made her shiver. 

Catra's eyes never leave Adora's, not for a second, not even when she starts sucking. Adora almost passes out from the rush of pleasure she feels spike right through her stomach straight to her core, Adora's not so much fucking Catra's mouth with her fingers as Catra's fucking Adora's fingers with her mouth. Adora grunts and then she snaps, she removes her hand from Catra's mouth and shoves the brunette down by the shoulders so she's kneeling in front of her. 

Catra looks up at Adora with a smirk and Adora grumbles in annoyance. So that turned her on, so what? She thrusts her pelvis slightly in indication for Catra to get on with it. "So impatient Princess." Catra comments, her hands coming to Adora's pants’ button. 

"Less talking." Adora demands. 

"You're being awfully bossy." Catra replies and Adora huffs in annoyance. This isn't like old times, it isn't, and yet... They’ve done this before but it was softer, less about the sex and more about being with each other, this, Adora has to remind herself, is only about  _ sex _ but Catra's playful teasing makes that just a little bit harder to remember. 

When she doesn't respond Catra chooses to yank her pants down and Adora gasps when she feels the cool evening air hit her lower half. "Hey!" Adora yelps, her cheeks warm at the sudden exposure. Catra looks up at her, her blue and golden eyes glow in the dark evening light, she's beautiful, Adora knows this, she has always been beautiful, so beautiful that it makes her heart ache in her chest, but she swallows that feeling down and focuses on the task at hand. 

"I thought that's what you were going for here?" Catra asks. "A quick fuck from a friend?" 

"Catra." Adora warns, it makes her feel dirty when she says it like that but, well, Catra isn't wrong. 

"Are we even friends?" Catra questions and Adora looks away. 

"This isn't the time to be talking about this." Adora says, she kind of wants to yank her pants back up again. 

"Oh so you can let me touch you and fuck you but you can’t talk about if we're friends or not?" 

"If you don't want to do this you could just say." Adora says, she goes to pull her pants up but Catra stops her. 

"No, no, Princess, I'll take care of you." Adora blushes at that statement and scoffs but whatever scathing remark she was about to give Catra dies in her throat when she feels Catra's nose brush against her clit. It's like someone sent an electric shock right through her system and instead of telling Catra off for being such a smartass all she manages is a moan. 

She feels Catra smirk and manages to roll her eyes to show she means business, she threads her fingers through Catra's hair and pushes her forward. Catra's grunt vibrates against Adora and she shudders from the feeling. Then she feels it, she feels Catra's warm tongue press against her clit and Adora's world almost collapses in on itself. Her hand tightens in Catra's hair, which causes another groan to escape Catra's lips which feels wonderful. This is another thing that's perhaps familiar between them still, Catra knows how to use her tongue and she knows how to use it to make Adora come undone. She has strong purposeful strokes which drive Adora insane, the slight roughness of it adds something that Adora didn’t know she needed and Catra knows exactly what she's doing. She sucks, she swirls, she does everything and Adora can do nothing but groan and moan. 

Adora clenches her eyes closed and arches her back, she really wishes they'd done this near a wall, or anything really, so she had some support, it would be really embarrassing if her legs gave out, but all she has is Catra's head so she keeps a tight grip and pushes Catra in deeper. Her message is clear, faster, harder, keep doing what you're doing and Catra obeys obediently for once. 

Adora moves her hips in time, essentially grinding down on Catra's face, at some point Catra slips two fingers in her and Adora feels insane. She feels hot and sweaty and she can feel that red hot coil in her stomach winding almost impossibly tight, begging for release. It comes all of a sudden, Catra flicks her tongue over her clit just right causing Adora to gasp and then she curls her fingers inside and Adora tumbles right over that edge. She vaguely recognises her own voice screaming out Catra's name, which she hadn't exactly intended, but she couldn’t hold herself back. She swears she almost blacks out and has to brace herself against Catra in order to keep her steady, Catra continues her soft licks until Adora feels overstimulated and she tugs on her to get her to stand. 

Catra stands gracefully, every movement she did was graceful, always, Adora was awkward most of the time, she never mastered the air of grace that Catra had mastered, she’s like a river, always flowing in a powerful direction. When she's on her feet Adora immediately kisses her, tasting herself on Catra's tongue, they haven't done this for so long Adora almost forgot what that felt like. She thinks about that, about how she hasn’t done this with anyone else, and she has no desire to, the only person she can ever imagine letting her touch her this way is Catra... that's a problem she doesn’t want to think about right now. 

Adora kicks off her boots and removes her pants, which were still around her ankles, that's when Catra begins unzipping her red jacket. Adora pulls backwards. "What are you doing?" Adora asks, raising a brow. Catra rolls her eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you wanted to have sex in your ugly red jacket." She retorts. Adora balks at that and scoffs.

"It's not ugly!" 

"You're right, it's the epitome of fashion, now do you really want to wear it during sex?" Catra asks, raising a brow. Adora wants to argue but she has a point. Reluctantly, she unzips her jacket and tosses it to one side. Adora's beginning to feel bare all the while Catra is still pretty much entirely in her uniform, still dressed, though disheveled. Adora grabs Catra's cloak and pulls it from her. Catra's eyes widen but she doesn't protest. Adora grins, she pulls Catra in and kisses her again, roughly, she then places her hands under the hem of her shirt and she feels Catra gasp, Gods, Adora's been craving that: touching Catra skin on skin. 

Adora runs her hands up her abdomen, Catra's kind of fluffy but not as much as you might think, it's more of a thin layer of fur, it’s incredibly soft, her stomach muscles are impossibly toned, Adora knows she's all lean muscle, she may look skinny but Catra is strong with a certain precision Adora doesn’t possess. Adora can smash through rocks, sure, but if you want to do it effectively Catra is more adept. 

Adora tugs on the hem of her shirt and Catra nods her consent, Adora steps back as she pulls Catra's shirt over her head in one fluid motion before she grabs the hem of her own shirt, she pulls it up and over and tosses it somewhere across her room. Catra was bare chested under her uniform, Adora, on the other hand, couldn’t afford such luxuries but she doesn’t feel like undoing her bra right now, she wants Catra on her and she wants her on her now. 

Adora pulls her towards her, closing the space between them, she kisses Catra roughly and hotly but Catra kisses back with equal passion, their tongues fight for dominance with Catra winning, Adora decides to one up her. She snakes her hand down to the waistband of Catra's pants and into her underwear, she hears Catra gasp and smirks against her lips. She traces her fingers between Catra's legs, gathering the wetness there, she even circles her clit, grinning as Catra stops kissing and leans against Adora for support. 

Adora pulls her hand out and grins when she hears Catra whimper. Sometimes it's nice to know that Catra wants her just as much as Adora wants her. "Wow Catra," Adora says, pulling her hand up. "you sure are eager." Catra huffs before she narrows her eyes at Adora. 

"What are you going to do? Shove them in my mouth again?" Adora scowls at her and Catra smirks. There’s still a competition between them even when there doesn’t need to be a competition. Even this is a fight, a fight of dominance, a fight of... lust. Adora decides to not dignify that with a response and instead pushes Catra towards the bed. 

The brunette collapses on her butt when the back of her knees hit the mattress. Adora sits on top of her, straddling her with her hips. "Since you were so good, I think it's only right I reward you." Adora coos. She crawls forward and Catra scoots backwards up the bed until she's close to the headboard. 

"Fuck." Catra mutters. Adora likes seeing Catra visibly affected by her, it fills her with a validation she can never get anywhere else. Adora unbuttons her pants and pulls them down, Catra kicks them off the rest of the way along with her underwear and now they're both completely bare, well, nearly, Adora still has her bra. 

"Catra, can you..." Adora trails off but she exposes her neck to tell Catra what it was she wanted. Catra's eyes widen and she nods but before she does that she reaches behind Adora's back and unclasped her bra. Adora rolls her eyes but she has no objections, she throws it somewhere in the sea of clothing scattered all around her room by now before she feels hot breath against her neck. 

Catra kisses softly first, one hand on her jaw, another comes to cup Adora's breast while her lips suck at her neck and then Adora feels her sharp fangs at her pulse point. She knows Catra could rip her throat out right now if she really,  _ really _ , wanted to but the danger is part of the reason this really gets Adora going. She exposes her neck more and she feels Catra huff against her neck in a small chuckle before she clamps down. It's not hard but it’s certainly hard enough to bruise and yet it sends a shockwave through Adora like nothing she's ever felt. Catra sucks and the sensation of her hand on her breast is almost enough to push Adora over the edge again if she’s honest. 

Catra's jaw loosens before she runs her tongue over Adora's neck to soothe her skin there. Catra starts laughing and Adora's eyes open wide, she doesn’t remember closing them. "What?" Adora asks, slightly annoyed. 

"You really like it when I do that." Catra notes. Adora feels defensive all of a sudden but Catra just shrugs. "Its hot." 

"I hate you." Adora says, there’s no bite behind her words but Catra's eyes flash with an emotion that Adora doesn't quite catch before returning back. She doesn't hate Catra. She never has. Things might be tense, and she might not necessarily trust her fully, but she could never  _ hate _ her, even after everything, even after the portal, Adora would've done anything to save Catra, she could never  _ never _ hate her. 

"May I?" Adora asks for permission because that feels important to her. Catra nods. 

"I'm all yours Princess." Catra says. That shouldn't turn Adora on but it totally does. She knows Catra means now, currently, and in no other context, Catra isn't her's, but still... it’s nice to hear. 

She kisses Catra's jaw, then her neck, her hand comes up to gently pad at her breast, she smiles when Catra sighs at the touch. She keeps her lips focused on Catra's neck as her hand slowly travels down Catra's body, she hovers for a moment and grins against Catra's neck when she hears her huff in frustration. She's deliberately slow, her fingers dance over Catra's most sensitive spot and she feels cocky when she feels Catra buck her hips in response to get Adora to do what she wanted. 

"What do you want Catra?" Adora questions. Catra huffs and she opens her eyes, her blue gold eyes are striking in the dark, if Adora wasn’t careful she might get lost in them. 

"I'm not going to beg Adora." Catra says firmly. 

"Not even a please?" Adora asks, raising her brows. Catra's eyes narrow. Adora thinks maybe that's too close to home, too much like their old banter, so she does what she always does when it comes to Catra, shoves those feelings way deep down inside and focuses instead on just fulfilling Catra's want at this time. She presses her thumb to Catra's clit and the brunette's eyes widen before she falls back into the pillow. Adora works that for a while, revelling in the soft moans Catra releases at every circle before she runs her fingers through her folds, gathering her slickness. 

Adora adjusts her position slightly before she inserts one finger into Catra, testing her, she feels Catra shudder and her hand fly up from being at her sides to Adora's shoulders which she grips, a loud rumble escapes her and Adora realises with wide eyes that Catra just purred. Adora sets up her pace, stretching Catra, ready to add another finger, but Catra seems to be really enjoying just the one, even still, she adds another and is rewarded with a very audible moan from Catra. 

Adora grins and picks up her pace, a perfect precise rhythm of in and out, in and out, curling her fingers occasionally to hit that spot that has Catra mewling her name. She never thought she'd hear Catra say her name like that ever again. She's missed it, more than she cares to admit. Adora's pretty sure if she'd taken Catra from behind her tail would be swishing like crazy but, as it were, her back was pinned to the mattress and, as a consequence, so was her tail. "Faster." Catra demands, her eyes are screwed shut but she moves her hips in time to meet Adora half way. "Harder." Adora can do little but oblige her. It's a sight to behold. Part of Adora wants to take a snapshot of this moment, of Catra spread below, her moaning her name, scrunching her nose up in pleasure, they're both incredibly sweaty, Adora's pretty sure her bangs have come loose, and her ponytail sticks to her slick neck, but she doesn’t care, she needs this and so does Catra. 

She’s beautiful. Adora knows this, she's always known this, but knowing it and seeing it so blatantly are two very different things. Adora stretches her thumb and places it to Catra's clit as she continues her pumping and that gets Catra's attention. She moves her hands from Adora's shoulders to her back and drags Adora down so Adora's head was buried in the crook of her neck, it disrupts her pace but she quickly regains it, she can tell Catra is close. "You're good at that." Catra says through moans. Adora feels her claws drag down her back and she shudders. She suddenly wants those nails to bite into her skin, leave her marked and sore. 

Catra laughs and Adora's movements pause. "Why are you laughing?" Adora asks. Catra peeks an eye open in disbelief. 

"Are you seriously going to ask me that when you're knuckle deep in me?" Catra asks and Adora frowns at her, her brow creasing. Her fingers are still buried deep inside Catra but she's not offering her any of the friction she needs and Catra isn't able to generate it all on her own. "Fine." Catra huffs. "I'm laughing because I know you liked being told how good you are." 

"Some things don't change." Adora replies and Catra looks sad for a moment before the haze of lust comes back. 

"Yes, well, you're good, now please keep going." 

"Ah ha!" Adora yells in triumph. "There's my please." Catra rolls her eyes but whatever response she was about to give gets cut off by Adora resuming her movements. Catra pulls Adora further down but her hot breaths and moans of her name right next to her ear is really fucking hot so Adora doesn’t protest, even when her hand starts to cramp from the awkward positioning. 

"Adora, I'm gonna... fuck..." Catra says and Adora can feel how close she is, any second now. Catra starts raking her hands down Adora's back, which only encourages her more, she thrusts and curls and circles and then Catra goes toppling over the edge just as Adora had about forty minutes ago. " _ Adora _ !" Adora feels her claws really rake her back when she orgasms and Adora cries out in a mix of pain and pleasure. Maybe it’s sick but she likes the feeling, the last time Catra did that she'd scarred her but that had been as She-Ra, now she's Adora, now the marks aren’t about fighting, or being at odds with one another, they're about this. Whatever this is. 

Adora guides her through her orgasm and the aftershocks until she sees Catra grow unsettled. She pulls her hand free and wipes it on the covers. She definitely had to change her sheets after this, Gods, she bets it stinks of sex in here. She rolls off of Catra and lands to the side of her breathing heavily, she hisses at the uncomfortable pain she feels when her back hits the covers but it's not too unbearable - she's definitely had much much worse. That took a lot out of her but she doubts she'll be unable to forget it for a long time. 

******NSFW END******

She feels Catra shift but Adora keeps her eyes trained on the ceiling. She feels cold, now that she's not on top of Catra, and bare, exposed, so she manages to manoeuvre her way under the covers to give herself some warmth. When they finally come down from their respective highs, Adora more windded than anything, Adora sits up to see Catra had rolled onto her side, her back facing Adroa. She wants to pull her in close to her and cuddle her and kiss her but that seems too intimate. It's about sex. That's all this was. Instead, she just stares and longs. 

She traces with her eyes the scars lining Catra's back, they look like she's been struck by lightning but Adora knows what electrical weapon did that to her. She'd discovered the scars when they first started being more intimate, Catra had always been private when changing her clothes, Adora had figured it was because of her hybrid status, some cadets used to tease her over it, she'd never really been shy but Adora could understand wanting privacy, sometimes she hated changing in the locker rooms, and then she'd found those scars their first night. She'd been furious, she'd had half the mind to go to Shadow Weaver and tear her head off with her bare hands. 

Adora looks at her hands which are balled in fists, her knuckles turning white with anger.  _ Calm down.  _

She always knew Shadow Weaver had had it out for Catra but she’d never known she'd done that to her, it filled her with a primal rage she couldn't express. Catra had begged her to keep quiet ' _ It'll only make things worse _ ' Adora had wanted to do it anyway but she obeyed Catra. She should've known then that the Horde was evil, who hurts kids just because they have some weird vendetta against them? 

Catra never did anything to Shadow Weaver, all she ever wanted to be was good enough for her, worthy of her time and praise, instead she got this. Adora notices some new scars, she had Catra's body mapped out from the tips of her ears to her toes so of course she notices new scars. She winces. She remembers Catra's accusation ' _ who do you think took the fall for you when you left? _ ' Adora closes her eyes. That was her fault. 

"I can hear you thinking." Catra's sudden intrusion of Adora's thoughts startle her so much she jumps nearly half way off the bed. "Don't hurt yourself Princess." Adora draws her eyebrows together in a scowl. She scoffs but her eyes find Catra's back again and all she can feel is guilt. She has her own scars on her back, given to her by Catra herself, she wonders if Catra feels the same when she sees Adora's scars as Adora does when she sees hers. 

"I- you- you know what?" Adora huffs in frustration before she falls backwards into her bed. Catra is infuriating sometimes but, secretly, Adora loves that about her. "Are you staying?" Adora questions. She sees Catra stiffen, her back goes rigid and the breath she had been exhaling gets caught in her throat. 

"I'll be gone before you wake up Princess, don't worry." Catra replies. She doesn't relax. Adora doesn't either. 

"That's not..." She trails off because it is, that is what she meant. It's easier if Catra leaves before morning, less questions from the guards and less... feelings involved, it was better for everyone really. Or was it? 

Adora turns her head to the right to look at Catra again, she wants to ask about the new scars but the answer scares her. She doesn't want to know and she does want to know at the same time. Maybe it's not her place to be able to ask anymore. Adora sighs. When did things get so bad between them? Well, Adora thinks shes knows but... a part of her thinks maybe she doesn't, maybe things had shifted between them a long time before she even realised. Maybe tonight was a mistake. A heated moment turning into a heated exchange but... Catra had wanted it just as much as Adora, their tension had been simmering and boiling ever since Catra came back from Prime's ship with Glimmer and was proclaimed Royal Advisor. She looks at her again, she’s moved slightly, her tail now wraps around her ankle and her breaths have evened out, she's asleep, and yet Adora knows Catra meant what she said before. 

Instead of filling her desire to press herself against Catra's back she turns on her side, facing away from her and buries her head in her pillow. Maybe one day she'll figure her feelings out but tonight is hardly the time, Adora's exhausted. She falls asleep within minutes and when she blinks her eyes open in the early hours of the morning, she finds the space beside her empty and Adora feels her heart ache in her chest.


	2. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you angry all the time?" Catra asks. "That's kind of my thing Adora, not cool." It's a joke but Adora isn't in the mood.
> 
> "I'm not angry all the time!" She explodes while sitting up and okay, yeah, maybe that wasn't that convincing. "I'm not..." She doesn't even bother because she is. She knows she is, she doesn't know why but she is.
> 
> Or, Adora has some serious issues and learns to ask for help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! No NSFW this chapter but we take a closer look at Adora post-war and it's not pretty though I do love jealous Adora. Anyway, I won't keep you.

They don't talk about it. Adora wakes up that morning with a very noticeable bruise on her neck, forcing her to wear some stupid high neck shirt which raises a few eyebrows but a glare at them shuts them right up. Adora's a little sore too, her back especially, the scratches hadn't been too deep but they had scabbed over and the rubbing of her shoulders against the material of her shirt was uncomfortable to say the least. The worst part of it all was that Catra seemed completely unscathed, she didn't have a bruised neck, she wasn't limping around like Adora hadn't fucked her into near unconsciousness the night before, she was just Catra, except she was a little colder too. Not that they'd exactly been warm before but Catra had been trying, now their interactions were as cold as Adora had felt waking up without Catra by her side. 

Adora sits down with her lunch in the Bright Moon mess hall. This was something similar between the Horde and the Rebellion: lunch. Except Bright moon offered a lot more than some mushed up brown ration bar. She's balancing some book on magic Casta gave her in one hand and her fork in the other when she hears it. She'd recognise that laugh anywhere. Adora's head snaps up to pin it down, Catra's laugh is one of the dorkiest and most beautiful sounds Adora has ever heard and it doesn't take her long until she finds the source.  _ Catra _ . She's sitting at a table with her friends, Scorpia on her left and Entrapta on her right, even the old squad are seated across from them. She's chatting animatedly about something, she's even smiling, Adora feels her food churn uncomfortably in her stomach at the sight, her hand clenches around her fork in a tight fist. Maybe she was starting to understand how Catra felt when Adora up and left for the rebellion. 

She watches them instead of eating her food, or reading her book, Catra laughs again at something Scorpia just said and Scorpia gives her the biggest doe eyes Adora has ever seen. She's not jealous, she's not, it's just... 

Catra's eyes connect with her's, maybe she felt Adora's lingering gaze, whatever it is, she's been caught. Catra's face drops slightly, her smile turns into a thin line but Adora can see the small creases at the corners of her eyes telling her that she was also slightly concerned. Adora stands abruptly, gaining the attention of nearby tables, she doesn't care, she abandons her fork and her half eaten lunch and speeds out of the mess hall. 

Maybe she's losing her mind. She needs to focus on getting She-Ra back, Catra doesn't matter, she can't be thinking about her all the time. She needs to focus. She pushes off the wall with her boot and storms towards the training grounds. Hitting things always did help calm her down a hell of a lot more than anything else ever did.

**_//_ **

Adora was sweating and her muscles were aching but she’d never felt better. She punches the punching bag in quick succession,  _ who knew punching stuff could be so therapeutic _ . She knows maybe she should be concentrating on She-Ra but she can't stop thinking about Catra and when she does, she feels like hot lava is running through her veins and she can't stop punching. She wonders if it's possible to hate someone and love someone at the same time... but even then she knows she doesn't hate Catra. She can't admit that she's jealous of her, or jealous of... other things, she resents that Catra seems to be doing so well, even after  _ everything _ . She punches the bag again. And last night was... kind of amazing, but also kind of really sad. Adora hits the bag again. She misses Catra but she can't let herself miss her too much, can't let herself get too close, that only ends in disaster, she knows from experience. 

Her knuckles hurt, even wrapped up, she's been punching this bag for so long, she wouldn't be surprised if the thing split on her. "Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" Adora nearly jumps out of her skin at the sudden intrusion and the sound of that voice. She whirls around to find Catra leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed over her chest in a casual stance, it reminds Adora of when they'd been in the Horde, when Catra would lean up against the lockers and tease, and maybe flirt, with Adora. 

Adora stands up straight and drops her hands from their ready position, she wonders how long Catra's been standing there, has she been watching her? "Who? You?" Adora questions. "You're not my size." Catra scoffs and kicks off of the door jam with her foot. Adora wonders idly how she makes everything look good even when just standing up straight. 

"Maybe not but I can hold my own." Catra responds and she removes her cloak. Adora raises a brow. Was Catra offering to spar her right now? She watches as Catra wraps her hands and feet and she realises that's exactly what Catra was offering. Adora's heart picks up. Fighting. Fighting Catra. She hasn't done that in so long and maybe she should be worried by how excited the thought is making her but she'd really like to hit something other than a punching bag, plus Catra was a worthy opponent. 

She was the only one who could ever hold her own against She-Ra. 

They were equals in that at least, equals on the battlefield, even when Adora had won in training back in the Horde, Catra had always been just a fraction from beating her. Adora was a hard hitter, she had strength and power but Catra, she had speed and precision, they balanced each other out perfectly. 

Once Catra is ready she stands on the opposite side of the mat and gestures for Adora to make the first move. Adora isn't an idiot, so they begin circling one another. That's what Catra does best, she's a taunter, as cliche as it might be, she loves to play cat and mouse. "I hope you're not too rusty Adora," Catra teases and she smirks. "all that meditating might have made you soft." Adora scoffs. 

"I'm not  _ soft _ !" She protests and Catra's smirk only grows, her fangs flash at her in cheeky amusement and Adora narrows her eyes at her. 

"Prove it." Catra taunts and so Adora does. She lunges at her but Catra's quick reflexes kick right in, maybe Adora can admit she is slightly rusty, she hasn't exactly had the need to fight the past year, and she especially hasn't been fighting Catra, but she's a fast learner and a quick thinker, she manages to parry Catra's attack just in time. It's then that she notices that Catra's fighting without her claws, just as they had in their cadet days. Catra's claws were incredibly sharp, Adora knows, Catra had nicked her a couple of times back in the Horde, accidentally, and she'd been profoundly sorry, she'd tried extra hard after that not to use her claws which was ironic when you consider the scars now lining Adora's back. 

Kick, punch, parry, they've done this dance too many times. Adora knows Catra and Catra knows Adora, neither of them are going to come out of this victorious but that won't stop Adora from trying. She jumps at Catra and manages to land a blow to her ribs only for Catra to be gone the next instance. When Adora straightens up, she looks behind her to see Catra holding her ribs and grumbling grumpily. "Ow." She says, “you hit me." 

"What were you expecting?" Adora asks, suddenly feeling invigorated with finally hitting a blow to Catra. 

"Fine, you want to dance Princess, then let's dance." Catra's eyes gleam as she takes up another fighting stance. Adora barely has time to bring her guard up when Catra attacks her with quick succession, she too manages to land a solid blow to Adora's stomach that knocks her off her feet a little and makes her stumble back. Adora feels that hot lava in her veins again, anger, raw and pure anger. Maybe Catra hated losing but so did Adora. 

She growls and lunges only for Catra to slip her grasp, serving only to make Adora angrier. Catra looks surprised, or shocked, Adora isn't sure, at Adora's ferocity as the blonde's knuckles become white with her frustration and anger.  _ At least a punching bag stands still, _ she thinks. "Didn't Shadow Weaver teach you not to fight angry?" Catra questions, which only serves to make Adora angrier at the mention of their old mentor. " _ Anger makes you act impulsively, impulsive behaviour opens you up to attacks. _ " Catra mimics in a poor likeness to Shadow Weaver - she even folds her arms behind her back and raises her chin. Adora would find it funny... if she wasn't currently tainted with pure anger. 

"Shut up!" Adora barks. She lunges for Catra only for Catra to sidestep at the last minute, Adora's eyes widen as she feels a leg hook around her own foot and she's pulled down to the mat flat on her back. She lands with an  _ ‘oof’ _ and she stares at the ceiling in a mix of shock and waning anger. Catra was toying with her the whole time. She sees her face pop up above her as she looks down at the blonde with a small frown.

"Why are you angry all the time?" Catra asks. "That's kind of my thing Adora, not cool." It's a joke but Adora isn't in the mood.

"I'm not angry all the time!" She explodes while sitting up and okay, yeah, maybe  _ that _ wasn't that convincing. "I'm not..." She doesn't even bother because she is. She knows she is, she doesn't know  _ why _ but she is. Catra sighs and Adora watches her as she comes around and crouches in front of her. Adora's overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to touch her, she wants to pull her in and caress her face and just hold her tight in the hope that doing so would make her feel whole again, and maybe it would, but she can't, she won't, she has to focus on She-Ra. 

"Shadow Weaver said you have to have a clear mind whenever you do your She-Ra thing, right?" Catra asks. She's trying to help and maybe Adora could accept it at any other time but now is not that time. 

"Oh so now you're saying Shadow Weaver is right?" Adora asks angrily. She sees a multitude of emotions cross Catra's face: hurt, anger, betrayal. She stands up abruptly and Adora notices her hands are in fists at her sides. 

"Fuck you Adora." Catra steps past her and goes to hurry out of the room. Adora twists herself on the mat and reaches out. 

"Catra! Wait!" Catra pauses in the doorway. She turns to look at the blonde and Adora's heart sinks in her chest. She's hurt her. She's really hurt her. 

"You know what she did to me," Catra states. "why would you say that to me?" And then she's gone and Adora's left sitting on a padded mat with nothing in her head but the image of Catra's scarred back to accompany her. Catra's right. Maybe it's time she paid a visit to someone. 

**_//_ **

Adora hates the Bright Moon prisons, they used to not have one but after Adora insisted it was kind of weird to keep prisoners in a spare bedroom Glimmer had had a wing of the castle converted and, to Adora at least, it seemed like she'd hired some designer who was way into grunge. Gone was the soft fine carpet that lined most of the halls of the castle instead it was stone, uncomfortable to walk on even in Adora's military boots, the walls were stone too, gone was the soft purples of Bright Moon's usual colour scheme. There's barely any light, the only light is from the tiny windows that lines the cells which are empty, by the way, all but one that is. 

Adora heads for the end cell feeling the hairs on the back of her neck rise, she’s always had this visceral reaction to Shadow Weaver, she has no idea why, maybe it's her dark creepy magic, actually, yeah, that's probably it. She reaches the cell and stops, examining Shadow Weaver who had her back turned to her. On the wall Adora could see scratches where she'd obviously been keeping count of the days. "Ah, Adora, I knew you'd come." Shadow Weaver says in that voice of hers, the voice that makes it feel like she's talking inside Adora's mind rather than from her lips. Adora wants to ask how she knows who it is but of course she knows who it is, it’s  _ Shadow Weaver _ , she’s like that. 

She stands shakily onto her feet before she turns. Adora still isn't used to seeing her without that mask, it gives her the creepy crawlies right up her spine. Adora stands more erect out of force of habit and she wonders idly if her uniform is up to code before she remembers none of that matters anymore, Shadow Weaver is behind bars and Adora isn't a soldier in her war anymore. "How the mighty have fallen." Shadow Weaver comments and Adora narrows her eyes. 

"I could say the same about you." Adora almost growls. Shadow Weaver doesn't even flinch. She hates how she knows exactly how to get under Adora's skin but Adora can't so much as scratch the surface of Shadow Weaver. 

"Why are you here? Come to say hello to your old commander?" Shadow weaver asks but she doesn’t sound serious. Adora hates being mocked and she especially hates being mocked by Shadow Weaver for reasons she can’t begin to express. She needs her help with She-Ra but there’s something she wants to know first. 

"Why did you treat Catra the way you did? Why did you treat  _ me _ the way you did?" Adora asks, stepping closer to the bars. Shadow Weaver seems unperturbed by the question, she stares blankly at Adora before she decides to answer. 

"I thought you were destined for greatness, you just needed a little guidance," Shadow Weaver says. In translation: she thought Adora was the perfect pet solider that she could groom to follow her every command. "as for Catra, I treated her as the worthless pathetic creature she is." 

"Don't talk about her like that!" Adora snarls, gripping the bars. Her knuckles turn white and there's that anger again, it burns hot and white at the centre of her chest. "Catra... Catra is strong and she's... she's none of the things you say she is!" Adora cries. Her anger is quickly dwindling into desperation, into hurt. "But I am, I'm the one who's weak, I'm..." 

Adora sinks to her knees, holding onto the bars to keep herself upright as she leans her head against them. "I'm a failure." Adora jumps when she feels a hand drop upon her head, she moves her hand from Adora's head, tucking a stray strand of hair, which had escaped from her poof, behind her ear, it's painfully reminiscent of when she was a kid, part of Adora wishes things had always stayed that simple but nothing was ever simple in the Horde was it? 

"I can help you Adora." Shadow Weaver coos and Adora sniffles. She wipes her eyes.  _ When did she start crying? _ Her lip trembles as she looks up at Shadow Weaver. She feels like a kid again, looking for the guidance of Shadow Weaver the only maternal figure, besides Angella, she's ever known, the person who taught her how to tie her boots and how to subvert the enemy, commander and mother all in one. 

"You can?" Adora asks feeling small. She knows there must be a price, Shadow Weaver never does anything without a price, but... she's Adora’s only hope of getting She-Ra back and she needs her back desperately, she hates feeling useless, she  _ hates _ it. 

"Of course child," She soothes. "you broke your sword but She-Ra is still apart of you, you still have her magic and I can teach you how to bring her back." It all sounds too good to be true but, well, Adora is desperate. She needs She-Ra back, she does, even if that means accepting help from the one person she'd rather die than take advice from. 

"Okay." Adora says. She swallows hard and takes a deep breath to steady herself. "Then help me."

**_//_ **

Adora fucked up so it was her job to apologise. She felt queasy after her meeting with Shadow Weaver but also more assured she would get She-Ra back and soon if Shadow Weaver held up her end of the bargain. Adora takes a deep breath before she knocks on the door. "Just a second!" She hears her call. Adora wavers, maybe this was a bad idea, things are kind of weird between them right now, for more reasons than just one. Before Adora can make a break for it however, Catra is opening the door. 

"Oh, it's you." Catra says. She's in far more casual clothes than she usually is, just a loose fitted shirt and tight pants -  _ very _ tight pants. 

"Uh, yeah," Adora says awkwardly. "were you expecting someone else?" Catra shrugs. 

"Not especially but not you." She walks away, back into her room, but she leaves the door open which Adora takes as an invitation - she could also say thanks and run away but she has to do this. 

She steps inside and closes the door with her foot. Catra's room is a little smaller than Adora's, it's also less what Adora would call 'Princess-fied', Catra's painted the walls with scenes from the Fright Zone,  _ memories _ , painting that must have taken her hours. There’s clutter but nothing seems to be out of place to Adora, kind of like an organised mess and her bed is similar to Adora's - she smiles to herself thinking about Catra struggling to sleep on the soft beds the Rebellion had. Adora is mesmerised, she walks towards one painting, one of the moon setting from a very familiar spot, Adora had watched it plenty of times with Catra long ago. 

"So," Catra begins, coming to stand beside Adora and Adora could almost mistake that they were back in the Fright Zone, watching the moon set together, alone in their spot. "why are you here?" Catra asks. Adora feels her tail brush her leg before it quickly moves away as though Catra realised what she'd done subconsciously. 

"I came to say I'm sorry, for saying what I said, that... wasn't fair of me." Adora says wholeheartedly because she is sorry. Catra smiles softly before she walks towards her bed. 

"Don't worry about that Princess, I know it's hard on you." Catra says and Adora can’t argue that, it is hard on her. "I've been thinking though and I think I might have a way to help you get She-Ra back." Adora's eyes widen. Now  _ that _ she hadn't been expecting. 

"You... you want to help me get She-Ra back?" Adora asks in disbelief. Catra shrugs holding a book between her hands but she looks slightly embarrassed. 

"It's no big deal, okay? I know she means a lot to you so... look do you want my help or not?" Catra asks. Part of Adora feels guilty, she's already got Shadow Weaver helping her secretly, but Catra's help wouldn't hurt either, would it? Plus... it's kind of really sweet. Catra hated She-Ra and now she wants to help bring her back? Talk about a change of heart. 

Adora walks towards her and extends her hand in offering and Catra smiles before she takes it and they shake on it. Adora holds Catra's gaze for a moment, feeling her emotions spike suddenly. She goes to move in but Catra holds her hand up to catch Adora's mouth. "I'm not in the mood tonight." Catra says and Adora leans back. She's a little embarrassed if she's honest but she'll respect Catra's decision of course. "Whatever is off balance with you really makes you horny, huh?" Catra asks and Adora knows she's teasing, from the smirk she fires at her, but it still warms her cheeks at the silent accusation. 

"I... I..." Adora trails off, lost for words, when she feels Catra's tail brush her hand and she smiles at the sensation. 

"The sex stuff, I need rules." Catra says and she's suddenly very serious. 

"Rules?" Adora questions. 

"Yes  _ rules _ dummy." Catra retorts, placing her hands on her hips. Adora frowns at her. 

" _ Hey _ !" She protests but honestly it's kind of hard to be mad at Catra right now...  _ was she right? Was her magical blockage making her horny? Or was it just Catra who had that effect on her? _

"Fine, rules, go ahead." Adora gestures, honestly she's just happy sex is on the table, it's a great stress reliever and she’s already excited about the thought of a next time. 

"Rule number one, no staying the night," Adora frowns but she agrees, staying the night complicates things, she thinks if she woke up to Catra in the morning her heart would burst in her chest and...  _ yeah, no staying the night, definitely not _ . 

"Rule number two, no cuddling, even though I know I'm incredibly cuddly." Adora snorts and Catra grins. Adora can’t exactly deny that Catra really is wonderful to cuddle but she’s willing to sacrifice that - she also agrees with that rule too, cuddling was a way for Adora to fall for her and she knew it was best to keep things cuddle free. 

"Three, you talk to me constantly about where you are on this whole thing." Communication, if Bow was here, he'd say, that was the key. Adora nods before Catra smiles. "That's it, three rules,  _ oh _ ! Also, you're not allowed to fall in love with me." Adora almost chokes on thin air. She's already broken a rule? Can she break a rule if she's already in love with Catra? Because she is, she knows she is, she just... doesn't know  _ how _ to be in love with her. 

Adora decides to play it off and snorts before laughing a little too obviously. " _ Pffft _ , please, no problem." She thinks she sees Catra's face fall but it's too fast to tell. 

"You're such a dork." Catra says dismissively. Adora stops her awkward denials and instead sobers herself up. 

"So, how were you planning on helping me?" Adora questions because she is curious and Catra's offer of help is interesting to say the least. 

"Well," Catra says, she tosses the book in her hand onto her bed and Adora watches it bounce once on the mattress springs before stopping dead, it looked like Adora wasn't the only one who found the mattresses of the rebellion insufferable to sleep on. "so you have all this pent up frustration right? And you need a clear and calm mind in order to do your She-Ra thing, so I figured every day we'll train and spar until you're exhausted then we'll meditate and then we'll try to access your She-Ra state." 

"Your plan is to physically and mentally exhaust me every day?" Adora asks in only slight disbelief - she can already feel her muscles burning. 

"Only if you can handle that Princess." Catra retorts and Adora turns her head to the side.  _ Was Catra flirting with her right now? Was she? Or was Adora imagining that? Or was Catra just a natural flirt? She always did have a thing with words, and her voice, god, her voice is like a drug... what was she doing again?  _

"Of course I can handle it." Adora scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. Catra had said it before, Adora hadn't been top of their squad for no reason. Catra looks like she's about to say something but a knock at the door interrupts their little moment. Catra frowns before she heads towards it. "Expecting someone?" Adora questions, she doesn't mean for the slight edge to that question but it comes out anyway. 

"Oh yes, my mistress, oh wait, that's you." Catra calls over her shoulder with a smirk and Adora balks at that statement. 

"I... you... I'm not your  _ mistress _ !" Adora fumes... but she kind of was. Catra just winks which makes Adora flush so red that she has to turn away from her and take an unusual interest in Bright Moon carpentry. 

She hears the door open but she's too busy trying to not blush uncontrollably to pay attention to who's at the door. "Ah, your majesty, how nice of you to join us." Catra greets and Adora stiffens. She feels uneasy all of a sudden because that means... that could be only one person. 

"Us?"  _ Yep. That's Glimmer. _

Adora turns just as Glimmer enters through the door, their eyes connect and she sees Glimmer freeze.  _ Why is Glimmer here? Visiting Catra at night? Okay, calm down Adora. _ She isn't sure why she's so jealous and angry, and god knows what else, all of a sudden but she needs to tone it down. The last thing she needs is for her to get on Glimmer's bad side. Still, there's an uneasy tension between them. 

Adora admits it privately to herself, where no one else can hear her thoughts, that she's jealous of Catra's new found friendships, she's jealous that Catra seems closer to Glimmer than Adora ever was - and they'd been pretty close - but now there's something between them, blocking them, maybe it's that Adora thinks Glimmer doesn't understand her plight as much as she ought to, or maybe it's just that Adora isn't used to sharing friends, especially not best friends. 

"Adora?" Glimmer's surprised to see her, Adora can understand that, she rarely ever left her room nowadays. "Uh, hi?"

"Hi." Adora fires back, she doesn't intend for it to come out stiff and awkward but, well, stiff and awkward seem to be her only two forms of communication these days. 

Catra walks in and touches Glimmer on her shoulder and Adora observes as Glimmer relaxes a touch which only makes Adora narrow her eyes. _Was there something going on there? Or was Adora just being paranoid? Shadow Weaver always said she was paranoid... maybe she was right._ _No_. If Catra could hear her thoughts right now she'd slap Adora for ever thinking Shadow Weaver was right. 

"Okay, you two weirdos, are you going to tell me why you're visiting at this hour my Queen?" Catra questions and Adora has to look away at the ‘my Queen’ part. She knows Catra's teasing too, making a joke out of Glimmer's title but Glimmer laughs at it and she never thought she'd see the day where Catra's teasing got Glimmer to laugh of all things. 

"The scouts returned, they report the Fright Zone is completely deserted. Scorpia could return whenever she wishes. I just thought you'd want to know." Glimmer says. Adora turns back again and looks at her. She's surprised to see Glimmer is staring at her and not Catra, it unsettles her a little so she looks to Catra, who looked deep in thought, she had her hand on her chin and her tail was swishing from side to side by her ankles. 

"Hm," She says. "I don't feel right just sending Scorpia alone," Catra admits. "maybe we send the scouts again, they do a double check and then when they're certain it’s empty, I'll escort Scorpia, and whoever else wants to assist in the Fright Zone clean up, there myself." Adora would find that sweet if her jealousy wasn't seriously getting the better of her. Catra wants to keep Scorpia (and co) safe. 

"That sounds good to me." Glimmer responds with a shrug. 

"Could I come?" Adora asks and the pair look at her with surprise. "What?" Adora asks, slightly irked by their palatable shock. "The Fright Zone was my home once upon a time ago, I want... I don't know... now it’s empty and it's not a threat I just want to see it again." 

"I mean," Catra shrugs. "I get that." She looks at Glimmer and they seem to have a silent conversation. Adora can't read either of them and it frustrates her to no end, well, she can read Catra, she knows everything about Catra,  _ everything _ , despite how much she's changed Adora is just so attuned to her that she just knows. Glimmer on the other hand... she thought she knew Glimmer but things seem so different now, she can't read her as well as she thought she could. 

"Okay," Glimmer finally responds. "if that's what you want." 

"It is." Adora says quickly. Glimmer nods curtly before she turns to Catra again. "Okay then, it's settled, I'll send the scouts out again and when they report back you and Adora will escort Princess Scorpia, and anyone else who wishes to assist, to the Fright Zone." 

"You make it sound so official." Catra says, rolling her eyes playfully. 

"I'm the Queen, Catra." Glimmer responds but Adora can see a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

"You're in my bedroom." Catra quips and Adora feels a smile tug at her own lips. Only Catra. That's the closest she's come to smiling in a long time.

"Good night Catra," Glimmer says while rolling her eyes, she knows the whole annoyed act isn't real however. "Goodnight Adora." Adora tries not to let it bother her that Glimmer seems to say that so stiffly. She says goodnight and watches as she takes her leave, leaving Catra and Adora alone once again. Adora sighs,  _ Glimmer's right, it's late and...  _

"So  _ now _ you want to come back to the Fright Zone?" The question catches Adora completely off guard, she feels like she was just kicked to the stomach. She turns, wide eyed and looks at Catra who is giving her a stoic look, her arms crossed over her chest and her tail whips back and forth. Her ears are pinned slightly backwards and Adora thinks she's upset. 

"Well, it is empty now." Adora says, she's confused. She doesn't see why that would bother Catra so much. "The Horde is defeated and I just... I want to go back." 

"You didn't want to come back before that?" Catra asks. Adora holds her gaze, Catra is giving her nothing but her eyes... they burn with such emotion that Adora feels like Catra might be able to see right into her very soul. 

"No," Adora confesses and Catra looks away then and Adora can see her jaw tighten. "I didn't want to come back to the Fright Zone Catra but I... I always wanted to come back to you." Catra's ears pick up then and she turns her face in slight shock. 

"You did?" She asks and Adora feels her heart ache.  _ This is a problem. This is a huge problem. _ Adora has broken a rule before it was even a rule. 

"Of course I did." Adora scuffs her boot against the floor. "You were my best friend. I loved you." She still does. Not that she can tell Catra that, not that she can let herself go there. 

"Were." Catra says wistfully. "Loved." She repeats. "I guess I deserve that." 

"I don't want to hurt you Catra." Adora says and she doesn't, she really  _ really _ doesn't, she may find it hard, extremely hard, finding their new normal, or seeing Catra doing so well, but she'd never want to hurt her, she'd never want to use whatever it is that's going on between them against her. "I never have, I just wanted to protect my friends and do the right thing." 

"I know," Catra responds and she smiles at Adora but it doesn't quite meet her eyes. "but you did hurt me and I... I wanted to hurt you back. I don't want to do that anymore Adora." 

"Neither do I." 

"Okay then, that's why you have to talk to me about where you are with this whole thing." Catra says seriously, gesturing between them both. 

"I will, I promise." Adora responds. She sees Catra stiffen, her back goes ramrod straight and she looks shocked before she relaxes and gives a weak smile in response. 

"Good." She replies. Adora doesn't fully know what  _ that _ was about but she gets the sense Catra's done for the night.

"Goodnight Catra." Adora says, heading towards the bedroom door. She pauses with her hand on the handle and looks over her shoulder at Catra who looked deep in thought before seemingly realising Adora was looking at her. 

"Goodnight Adora," Catra says. "sleep well." Adora doubts she will but it's nice to hear anyway. She smiles before she ducks out of Catra's bedroom, pulling the door shut on her way. 

I will, I promise. 

_ I promise.  _

Sometimes, Adora was an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please feel free to leave a comment and/or kudos :)!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes! Drop a comment and/or kudos and feed me pls. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter @catrasadoras


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